Lost

In the wake of last night, I’m reflecting on life,
I’m questioning things, questioning myself,
I’m the type that needs to have stability,
I can’t cope with change very well,
Routines work for my hyper-anxious mind,
But as of late, life feels anything but stable,
My routines and self-control feel off kilter,
Doubt has crept in to keep my anxiety company,
I can’t seem to find and keep a calm place,
I’m unsure of everything, unclear of my purpose,
I mean, what am I really doing here?
Except for passing the time being checked out,
Trying to escape reality, because I fear it,
There’s a world outside my country window,
But it has become terrifying to be part of,
I don’t like what going out into it does to me,
Has life’s difficulty level just increased?
Aging has been hard for my brain to process,
I’ve always felt pretty sure of myself, my place,
But now, I’m constantly confused, not calm,
I feel uncomfortable, which makes me fabricate,
I’m lying to myself so that I can feel comfort,
Everything will be alright, you’re doing great,
Lies, fabrications, false mantra, call it what you may,
They aren’t working anymore,
Things aren’t alright, and I’m not doing fine,
I feel lost.