I could see it in you at the beginning

It all began in a time of youth and wonder,

A path, aboard a vessel bypassing trauma,

Something to cling to, comfort for the broken,

Swept along by what was expected of me,

But I dedicated myself to our babies,

An unwavering decision that endures,

I could see it in you, even at the beginning,

When it was assumed that I had lost myself to your will,

Pressed into control, this was not love but abuse,

This was dependence, this was the unspoken truth,

I could see it in you, even at the beginning,

Everyone saw a finale, but nobody witnessed the opening acts,

I knew the road ahead would be fatal,

If not for you, then certainly for me,

You always sort the forbidden exit you found,

I could see it in you, even at the beginning,

I tried to keep the darkness away, but didn’t know how,

Unprepared for your spite, your final attempt at control,

You wrote of freedom, but knowingly took it away,

I could see it in you, even at the beginning.

The girl I knew was gone, long before you left.

That girl in the corner

See that girl in the corner,

With eyes alight with a fire for justice,

With raven hair, long and sweet scented,

Her pale skin is soft to the touch, yet armoured,

Her mind is a thousand moments competing for dominance,

She is battle hardened, and yet innocent,

Beautiful, she is kindness, yet wrathful to any foe,

My bride, my first waking thought, my peaceful time,

I love to hear her laughing, I smile when she sings,

And my mind rests easy, when I hear her say,

I love you.

Great Southern Land

Clear light on a summer morning,

A horizon, dizzy in a haze of impending heat,

Grasslands ripe to burn lay drying,

What was green is now yellowed and brittle,

Large black birds shriek for the sun they follow,

Thirsting creatures in dark holes lay dying,

Death does not come to these lands in winter,

But with the clear light of a southern summer day.

Image: Mark Marathon

The Stand

I stand at the edge of a great precipice,

Eyes closed, I can feel a hot breeze on my face,

There is no sound, other than my own breathing,

The drop into darkness feels sheer and jagged,

The plummet, long and painful, and finally fatal,

I can feel the rock edge crumble under my weight,

I am waiting for the final slip,

The hands at my sides are sweaty and white knuckled,

Tense, I’m shaking within, the terror of waiting is intolerable,

The fall has yet to come, it could happen at any moment,

Vomit inducing anticipation, my body is racked with anxiety,

I can leave freely at any time and yet…

I stand here still.

Sometimes I lose myself

Sometimes, I can lose myself for days,

Time passes quickly, like a rapid heartbeat,

When I find myself again, something is always different,

Following some initial confusion, where I don’t know where I’ve been,

I’m unsure just how long I have been the other me,

Which me was I? Was I kind or cruel, happy, sad, or withdrawn,

Sometimes I can lose myself for days,

And now, I no longer know which me is real.

The Heir of Saturn

Swirling colours, vivid and blinding, pulsate, in a cellophane coloured a sky,

A great blue door is beset by godly hands, vibrating in the colourful scene,

The hands hold a staircase in place, locked in an alien landscape,

Above the door a mighty skull sits, adorned with a golden lock,

Within the keyhole spins a whirlpool of stars,

The sudden arrival of the inner self is a spectacle to behold,

The door swings open revealing the inner self, naked and skeletal,

It glows, beautiful and newborn, emitting a soft blue light from its glassy bones,

My mind is stalled at this point, lost within the colours, one for every hurt,

The spiralling sky becomes a bright portal, spinning, slow, warm and inviting,

The inner self leaves its essence, before fading into that spiralling light,

Shadows fill with starlight, as a swirling green nebula slowly erases the vision,

I awaken in sudden darkness, the stars have faded, and life is reality once more.

Confusion

My need to overcome reality is so strong lately,
I attempt to address profound childhood fears,
What happens when both creators are gone,
What do I become, how do I decide my path forward,
Nothing seems obvious, everything feels clouded,
What decisions do I need to make, what is important,
I feel lost, amiss, like I’m waiting for an unnamed event,
How can I take stock of things when it comes, my hurt, my pain,
And still administer the wishes of another,
There is no comfort here, only loss.

Head in the Clouds

You can’t exist with your head in the clouds,

For one reason, clouds fade,

They are invisible on a clear day,

Although prominent during a storm,

They quickly make way for blue skies,

You see, clouds are not consistent,

They lack any solid substance,

Constantly unstable and unreliable,

They are an illusion of escape and freedom,

Within themselves, they are empty.

Behind the Doors of Sleep

The full moon overhead gazes down like a great pale eye,

I lay, eyes open, wishing I was lost in the land of dreams,

Instead, I find myself trapped within an awakened mind,

Alone, and without comfort, I try to unlock the doors of sleep,

Every uneasy cough pushes me a step away from serenity,

The world is dark, still and warm outside my open window,

It is now 4am, the time for lucid dreaming has past,

The doorway to the world of dreams remains unreachable,

I adjust my position, bedsheets entangle my feet,

My neck aches, and my body groans with digestive intent,

As the great moon above casts its pale eye downward,

An aircraft laden with sleepers, cuts through the silent sky,

My mind only craves sleep, I can feel the doorway approaching,

I write to drift off, hoping that the doors of sleep will open soon,

My weary eyes are the keys that unlock the realm of dreams,

May the doors of sleep slam closed behind me,

So that I can awaken again in the light of the new morning sun.

Ocean of Souls

The sound of ocean waves drives out the death-like silence,

Awakening, as the body sinks beneath the surface of the ocean of souls,

Screaming in silence, it is taken by the dark creatures it now belongs to,

A thousand Invisible arms, wrap, constrict and pull at their prey,

The lungs fill, the scream continues, subdued, and eyes sting in salty brine,

The sky is lit by a million stars that sparkle and dance upon the surface,

As the sea floor is reached, a cloud of black sand swirls and cloaks,

Still staring, still screaming silently, the final resting place has been procured.