If I went to bed tonight,
And fell into a dream,
One that I wouldn’t awake from,
I would be content.
Atari
A sadness fell upon me this evening,
A heavy wave of confusing memories,
I was laughing at a comedy with my wife,
Only 10 minutes before it hit me,
As I sat alone, I felt such a feeling of loss,
Where did it come from?
A momentary look at a photo of an Atari 2600 console,
Someone was selling it online,
It was dust-covered, scratched, and time-beaten,
The sales caption brought a tear to my eye,
It read, “old, but still in working order”,
My sadness was about aging and about my own relevance,
It hit me like a body shot to the liver with a lead pipe,
Because I too feel a little dusty, antique, and I have my scars,
For I’ve also been beaten by life quite a few times,
But I am still here, and although I am not perfect,
I am still in working order.
We are the cosmos
Illuminated by distant starfields,
Our minds may be terrestially imprisoned,
But we are built for infinite possibilities,
We are the timeless,
Those born of stardust,
We are the cosmos.
Perfect
She lay in my arms,
A new soft, fragile human,
Sleeping, soundly and safely,
So tiny and very premature,
And completely perfect.
Avatars of our humanity
The world right now lives in unreality,
Jobs, services, people we meet,
None seems as real as they once did,
Is the matrix here and now,
Reality has been hijacked by billionaires,
We’re abused by greedy politicians,
Confused masses, manipulated by the media,
Everything feels geared towards marketing,
People are desperate to escape reality,
Right now, online life is preferred,
Where likes provide validation,
And reach signifies success,
Neither of these is a physical thing,
But online is how we live now,
Where every perversion is instantly satisfied,
It’s easy being digital, you can be anything,
You can be anyone other than yourself,
A place where we don’t feel the hurt,
The painful realities of war, poverty or famine,
Where hate is downloadable for the willing,
Just click, donate, and feel better,
A sweet constant flow of dopamine,
Our flesh is now an avatar of our humanity,
We must take the red pill and awaken,
Back into the harsh reality of the world,
Where we follow the white rabbit,
Disconnect for a while, and make reality better.
Daybreak
Some nights pass quicker than others,
When, with some urgency, I awaken early,
Only to sit in the dim silence of the house,
Where I focus on the light of a new day,
Until the nightmares echo into numb silence.
My Runaway Heart
I have always felt like I’m running or chasing,
Trying to dodge change and abandonment,
Prolonging others sadness as a comfort giver,
Have I ever had a true home, a place where I belong?
Why have I held on so tight from early childhood,
What did I unconsciously know?
Did I know everyone would leave me one day,
Break my heart, my spirit, my faith in others,
Did I turn all that death into something,
Not positive, just tolerable,
I can’t fucking breathe, the air of suffering is so thick,
Why have I been the slave of torment and loss,
The cost of my living feels so extreme,
The strength of my runaway heart has faded,
My mind can’t be taken back to a place where I belong,
I have no point zero, nobody who understands,
There is only hurt, all I truly have is suffering,
Perhaps this preoccupation is of my own creation,
My suffering is self-induced,
Either way, I can’t take it anymore.
The sound of immortality
Music moves us unlike anything else,
A common thread that intertwines all cultures,
Families are bound by it, lives start and end to it,
Memories of each other are held within its embrace,
Solemn moments, music is one human language we all share,
It encompasses everything we hold dear,
It creates cultural connections and breaks down barriers,
The right song can embody a person’s life indefinitely,
Holding their memory and life accomplishments ever present,
It is also extremely personal, we all wish to share a song,
Something special that we wish to share at that final goodbye,
Music has always been a part of the human farewell,
Sharing our connection, heart to heart,
If you hear that song, you will think of me,
Music is human immortality.
North Wind
The wind blows the grey gum trees outside my window,
Reminding me of the ocean in the distant south,
The sound is like waves crashing on a beach,
A brief rain shower falls on the green spring grass,
Activating the scent of a fresh countryside morning,
The sun is rising over the tree line now,
And, as the gum trees bend and sway in the north wind,
An orchestra of birdlife swells into an overture,
And the country awakens.
Lost
In the wake of last night, I’m reflecting on life,
I’m questioning things, questioning myself,
I’m the type that needs to have stability,
I can’t cope with change very well,
Routines work for my hyper-anxious mind,
But as of late, life feels anything but stable,
My routines and self-control feel off kilter,
Doubt has crept in to keep my anxiety company,
I can’t seem to find and keep a calm place,
I’m unsure of everything, unclear of my purpose,
I mean, what am I really doing here?
Except for passing the time being checked out,
Trying to escape reality, because I fear it,
There’s a world outside my country window,
But it has become terrifying to be part of,
I don’t like what going out into it does to me,
Has life’s difficulty level just increased?
Aging has been hard for my brain to process,
I’ve always felt pretty sure of myself, my place,
But now, I’m constantly confused, not calm,
I feel uncomfortable, which makes me fabricate,
I’m lying to myself so that I can feel comfort,
Everything will be alright, you’re doing great,
Lies, fabrications, false mantra, call it what you may,
They aren’t working anymore,
Things aren’t alright, and I’m not doing fine,
I feel lost.
Dan Verkys 