It’s a couple of weeks before Christmas, And I sit thinking about years gone by, Closing my eyes, I can see smiling family faces, Those of parents, grandparents, siblings, children, My memories feel like short silent movie clips, The faces, now colourless and blurred with time, They feel like they belong to someone else, As a grandfather myself now, I contemplate the future, Will I be smiling when my seat at the table is empty, Silently existing in someone’s distant memory, Imprisoned in a blurred grey thought released once a year, Or have I really been that way all along?
I don’t seem to be able to connect lately, I feel like I’m unable to communicate effectively, I’m irritating myself every time I open my mouth, This makes me feel tired, a term I’m sick of repeating, People exhaust me, even when seen in moderation, I don’t have the energy for it all right now, My words come out awkwardly, and I feel like an alien, An outcast on an island of beige repetitive tedium, It feels like there’s a heavy weight on me, I have the kind of exhaustion that avoids sleep, I wake up tired, I struggle through the day, then at night, When I lie down, I’m wide awake for hours, It’s also the time of year for that annual socialising dread, Everyone looks so happy and full of excitement, Either that or they’re about to win an Oscar for best actor, If you’re like me, hold your head up; it doesn’t get much easier. Don’t pretend, just let it happen, let it all flow past you, Conserve your energy, because you’re going to need it, Merry Christmas, the war with the mind is never over.
We’ve spent the last few weeks now, busily preparing, So much to do, before reaching this feast we’re sharing, We’ve renovated, tidied, chopped, sliced, and ran to and fro, But we have all the work done now, so it’s on with the show, It’s early, just the cockatoos outside share this bright morning, Screeching at the sun, it’s the afternoon heat they are forewarning, An Australian Christmas is hot, some years it can be quite obscene, Yet a fat bearded man in a red winter coat, can always be seen, Kids still sing of sleigh bells, some families eat a hot roasted meal, But thankfully culture is changing, and we’re finding our own deal, For some, there’s backyard cricket, barbecues, salads, and cold beers to plunder, Because there is no freezing Christmas, when you are living down under, Our family will arrive later this morning, and some final cooking will be done, Before we sit and eat, chat, and then listen to the air conditioner’s hum, No fat bearded men in red winter coats are on display here, But there will be plenty of food, creamy desserts, and some lively cheer. Although our decorations are black, the lights will still be shining bright, When, with full bellies, we surrender another Christmas to the night.
Christmas is near now, but there’s no time to toast,
My children are adults now, and this year I am the host,
A year will come soon, when I’ll come along for the ride,
When this life grows bigger, than what I can provide,
Then I’ll be the visitor, and Dad combined,
Two weird aspects of my life, once a year entwined,
This year, if there are full bellies and smiling faces, I’ve won,
For the best gift of all, is this moment of togetherness and fun.
I wish a merry time to all, no matter what your personal beliefs, religions or lifestyles are. I'm not a religious person, but I do appreciate that some of you are, enjoy the end of 2024 with your loved ones. I'll see you all again next year. Love from my family to yours. xo
Dan Verkys 