I awoke early again today,
Better to be awake with some control,
Every face in my dreams was a ghost,
It was like a revolving door of the dead,
All dropping in to visit,
I am unsure why last night in particular,
I loved them when they were living,
Now gone, I wish they would stay that way,
Memory is a cruel passenger.
Ice Castles
Humanity has placed creativity in stasis,
Imagination lost to technological prostration,
The slow deprogramming of individualism,
The slow programming of conformity,
A world where colour is no longer financially viable,
Home is a small safe white featureless existence,
Where we live laugh love,
Like a programmed flock of electric sheep,
A hive mind sharing one unspoken mantra,
Obey.
Insurmountable odds?
I awoke at 4:00am with a worried mind,
Thinking about the future churns my guts,
I’m concerned I won’t have the strength I need,
To deal with the level of change required,
With age I have less will, I need less mental ‘weight’,
Navigating some days now is a real challenge,
I simply don’t have the energy or drive for much,
I feel constantly fatigued and yet I cannot sleep,
I’m running out of time, resources and loved ones,
Work seems over demanding with load increasing,
My mind keeps shutting down when I need it,
Like it has a constantly tripping surge protector,
But I don’t know how much of this is real,
And how much is my mind fabricating woe,
But it’s constantly on my mind, and it is exhausting,
Who knows if I will ever truly rest.
Casting Shadows
Evolution is being witnessed by the blind,
We are transforming, digitising our souls,
We cast shadows without any light,
Told answers to questions we never learned,
We are the child holding a gun to our heads,
Unable to differentiate toy from weapon.
Buffer Overflow
Today I feel completely overwhelmed,
Everything seems to have just come to a stop,
Like my brain has been writing data beyond its allocation,
I can’t think straight, I can’t process, my memory is lagging,
I’m trying to provide myself comfort in any way I can,
There were too many questions at once today, too many requests,
Like I had too many tabs open and loading on a slow connection,
The sound was so loud, overlapping sounds, laughter, voices,
All competing for volume, it was just too much,
I had to leave the city, I had to run, I had to retreat,
I needed calm, to find a little solace to get some work done,
I must do something to slow down this overclocked brain,
I’m back home in the country now and I have logged back in,
There are no sounds except birds and a distant garbage truck,
I may have to close my eyes for a moment and reboot,
I’m optimising my settings, trying to save them so I can focus,
But I fear my storage is also at capacity.
The Ghost
She’s almost invisible now, as if spun from finest gossamer,
Haunting, somehow trapped within these walls,
Like an apparition lost in her own cold distance,
I see a sadness in her eyes that I cannot repair,
And feel a burgeoning sense of dread, fed by her despair.
If I went to bed
If I went to bed tonight,
And fell into a dream,
One that I wouldn’t awake from,
I would be content.
Atari
A sadness fell upon me this evening,
A heavy wave of confusing memories,
I was laughing at a comedy with my wife,
Only 10 minutes before it hit me,
As I sat alone, I felt such a feeling of loss,
Where did it come from?
A momentary look at a photo of an Atari 2600 console,
Someone was selling it online,
It was dust-covered, scratched, and time-beaten,
The sales caption brought a tear to my eye,
It read, “old, but still in working order”,
My sadness was about aging and about my own relevance,
It hit me like a body shot to the liver with a lead pipe,
Because I too feel a little dusty, antique, and I have my scars,
For I’ve also been beaten by life quite a few times,
But I am still here, and although I am not perfect,
I am still in working order.
Perfect
She lay in my arms,
A new soft, fragile human,
Sleeping, soundly and safely,
So tiny and very premature,
And completely perfect.
Daybreak
Some nights pass quicker than others,
When, with some urgency, I awaken early,
Only to sit in the dim silence of the house,
Where I focus on the light of a new day,
Until the nightmares echo into numb silence.
Dan Verkys 