I have always felt like I’m running or chasing,
Trying to dodge change and abandonment,
Prolonging others sadness as a comfort giver,
Have I ever had a true home, a place where I belong?
Why have I held on so tight from early childhood,
What did I unconsciously know?
Did I know everyone would leave me one day,
Break my heart, my spirit, my faith in others,
Did I turn all that death into something,
Not positive, just tolerable,
I can’t fucking breathe, the air of suffering is so thick,
Why have I been the slave of torment and loss,
The cost of my living feels so extreme,
The strength of my runaway heart has faded,
My mind can’t be taken back to a place where I belong,
I have no point zero, nobody who understands,
There is only hurt, all I truly have is suffering,
Perhaps this preoccupation is of my own creation,
My suffering is self-induced,
Either way, I can’t take it anymore.
The sound of immortality
Music moves us unlike anything else,
A common thread that intertwines all cultures,
Families are bound by it, lives start and end to it,
Memories of each other are held within its embrace,
Solemn moments, music is one human language we all share,
It encompasses everything we hold dear,
It creates cultural connections and breaks down barriers,
The right song can embody a person’s life indefinitely,
Holding their memory and life accomplishments ever present,
It is also extremely personal, we all wish to share a song,
Something special that we wish to share at that final goodbye,
Music has always been a part of the human farewell,
Sharing our connection, heart to heart,
If you hear that song, you will think of me,
Music is human immortality.
Lost
In the wake of last night, I’m reflecting on life,
I’m questioning things, questioning myself,
I’m the type that needs to have stability,
I can’t cope with change very well,
Routines work for my hyper-anxious mind,
But as of late, life feels anything but stable,
My routines and self-control feel off kilter,
Doubt has crept in to keep my anxiety company,
I can’t seem to find and keep a calm place,
I’m unsure of everything, unclear of my purpose,
I mean, what am I really doing here?
Except for passing the time being checked out,
Trying to escape reality, because I fear it,
There’s a world outside my country window,
But it has become terrifying to be part of,
I don’t like what going out into it does to me,
Has life’s difficulty level just increased?
Aging has been hard for my brain to process,
I’ve always felt pretty sure of myself, my place,
But now, I’m constantly confused, not calm,
I feel uncomfortable, which makes me fabricate,
I’m lying to myself so that I can feel comfort,
Everything will be alright, you’re doing great,
Lies, fabrications, false mantra, call it what you may,
They aren’t working anymore,
Things aren’t alright, and I’m not doing fine,
I feel lost.
Calm down
People need to calm down,
They need to understand how irrelevant they are,
Everybody is such high maintenance lately,
Over inflated egos that are way out of control,
They’re over opinionated, over entitled,
Like spoilt children ready to tantrum,
Everyone believes they’re special,
A rock star,
A movie star,
A champion prize fighter,
An activist,
A body-builder,
An artist,
A tough guy,
A right sayer,
A genius,
A super hero,
A bringer of peace,
RELAX people, we are none of those things,
We are a floored species, selfish and manipulative,
The pleasure seeking scourge of the planet,
An thankfully, we’re all very temporary.
Blood of my Blood
You are here, but you had to fight to be so,
It angers me that your start must be so hard,
But that is our way,
I encourage your strength, so grow strong,
You’re already so determined,
In your blood is the fire of generations,
In your tiny heart beats your ancestors, loudly,
You already possess the power to erase my armour,
At our first meeting, I know the deal will be done,
I will be helpless, there will be no negotiation,
Devotion, unexpected and certainly not withheld,
And I am ok with that,
A sweet little angel arrived in secret,
Bringer of healing to the broken,
You I will never witness my inner walls,
To you my heart is freely and forever open,
You need never ask,
For my entire life has been yours, before you arrived,
For you are the blood of my blood.
Scars of yesterday
Some nights are about you,
Reflection, solemn contemplation,
The very air you breathe,
Hover in the dying light of the day,
Even though it was not your own,
Be enraptured in moments of accomplishment,
Before the night rolls in.
At the end
What do I fear?
Death,
Or what it brings,
I fear the finality,
Of the loss,
Of the momentary sadness,
But most of all,
I fear that what I have shared,
With the meager gifts I was given,
Were not enough to remember me fondly.
Eight drink limit
One drink to sadness,
One drink for those you’ve lost,
One drink to what life has costs,
One drink to say goodbye,
One drink as you try to survive,
One drink for regret,
One drink to forget,
One drink is never enough.
Farewell
Too many nights, my hands cover my eyes,
I’m not ashamed to cry as I think of you,
Saying goodbye to you is the hardest,
What do I say to the one who gave me everything,
Sleep now, sleep and be at peace,
I can’t chase these monsters away,
Like you once did for me,
I don’t have that power,
I love you, please suffer no more,
You’re so tired, please rest,
I’ll join you when my time comes,
And we will hold each other again,
The way we once did.
I Disconnect from you
I feel a certain sense of disconnection,
It is a comfort, numb and reassuring,
I don’t want to be a part of your world,
I’m not interested in any of your plans,
I have already given everything I want to,
There is not much left inside for myself,
So now, a farewell as I disconnect from you,
As I enter a final future, one without pain,
The end days, where I remain unsolicited,
Unaffected by comment, unhindered thoughts,
My time will be my own, so I push you all away,
Your mental thefts have not gone unnoticed.
Dan Verkys 