Today I feel completely overwhelmed,
Everything seems to have just come to a stop,
Like my brain has been writing data beyond its allocation,
I can’t think straight, I can’t process, my memory is lagging,
I’m trying to provide myself comfort in any way I can,
There were too many questions at once today, too many requests,
Like I had too many tabs open and loading on a slow connection,
The sound was so loud, overlapping sounds, laughter, voices,
All competing for volume, it was just too much,
I had to leave the city, I had to run, I had to retreat,
I needed calm, to find a little solace to get some work done,
I must do something to slow down this overclocked brain,
I’m back home in the country now and I have logged back in,
There are no sounds except birds and a distant garbage truck,
I may have to close my eyes for a moment and reboot,
I’m optimising my settings, trying to save them so I can focus,
But I fear my storage is also at capacity.
The Ghost
She’s almost invisible now, as if spun from finest gossamer,
Haunting, somehow trapped within these walls,
Like an apparition lost in her own cold distance,
I see a sadness in her eyes that I cannot repair,
And feel a burgeoning sense of dread, fed by her despair.
If I went to bed
If I went to bed tonight,
And fell into a dream,
One that I wouldn’t awake from,
I would be content.
Atari
A sadness fell upon me this evening,
A heavy wave of confusing memories,
I was laughing at a comedy with my wife,
Only 10 minutes before it hit me,
As I sat alone, I felt such a feeling of loss,
Where did it come from?
A momentary look at a photo of an Atari 2600 console,
Someone was selling it online,
It was dust-covered, scratched, and time-beaten,
The sales caption brought a tear to my eye,
It read, “old, but still in working order”,
My sadness was about aging and about my own relevance,
It hit me like a body shot to the liver with a lead pipe,
Because I too feel a little dusty, antique, and I have my scars,
For I’ve also been beaten by life quite a few times,
But I am still here, and although I am not perfect,
I am still in working order.
Perfect
She lay in my arms,
A new soft, fragile human,
Sleeping, soundly and safely,
So tiny and very premature,
And completely perfect.
Daybreak
Some nights pass quicker than others,
When, with some urgency, I awaken early,
Only to sit in the dim silence of the house,
Where I focus on the light of a new day,
Until the nightmares echo into numb silence.
My Runaway Heart
I have always felt like I’m running or chasing,
Trying to dodge change and abandonment,
Prolonging others sadness as a comfort giver,
Have I ever had a true home, a place where I belong?
Why have I held on so tight from early childhood,
What did I unconsciously know?
Did I know everyone would leave me one day,
Break my heart, my spirit, my faith in others,
Did I turn all that death into something,
Not positive, just tolerable,
I can’t fucking breathe, the air of suffering is so thick,
Why have I been the slave of torment and loss,
The cost of my living feels so extreme,
The strength of my runaway heart has faded,
My mind can’t be taken back to a place where I belong,
I have no point zero, nobody who understands,
There is only hurt, all I truly have is suffering,
Perhaps this preoccupation is of my own creation,
My suffering is self-induced,
Either way, I can’t take it anymore.
The sound of immortality
Music moves us unlike anything else,
A common thread that intertwines all cultures,
Families are bound by it, lives start and end to it,
Memories of each other are held within its embrace,
Solemn moments, music is one human language we all share,
It encompasses everything we hold dear,
It creates cultural connections and breaks down barriers,
The right song can embody a person’s life indefinitely,
Holding their memory and life accomplishments ever present,
It is also extremely personal, we all wish to share a song,
Something special that we wish to share at that final goodbye,
Music has always been a part of the human farewell,
Sharing our connection, heart to heart,
If you hear that song, you will think of me,
Music is human immortality.
Lost
In the wake of last night, I’m reflecting on life,
I’m questioning things, questioning myself,
I’m the type that needs to have stability,
I can’t cope with change very well,
Routines work for my hyper-anxious mind,
But as of late, life feels anything but stable,
My routines and self-control feel off kilter,
Doubt has crept in to keep my anxiety company,
I can’t seem to find and keep a calm place,
I’m unsure of everything, unclear of my purpose,
I mean, what am I really doing here?
Except for passing the time being checked out,
Trying to escape reality, because I fear it,
There’s a world outside my country window,
But it has become terrifying to be part of,
I don’t like what going out into it does to me,
Has life’s difficulty level just increased?
Aging has been hard for my brain to process,
I’ve always felt pretty sure of myself, my place,
But now, I’m constantly confused, not calm,
I feel uncomfortable, which makes me fabricate,
I’m lying to myself so that I can feel comfort,
Everything will be alright, you’re doing great,
Lies, fabrications, false mantra, call it what you may,
They aren’t working anymore,
Things aren’t alright, and I’m not doing fine,
I feel lost.
Calm down
People need to calm down,
They need to understand how irrelevant they are,
Everybody is such high maintenance lately,
Over inflated egos that are way out of control,
They’re over opinionated, over entitled,
Like spoilt children ready to tantrum,
Everyone believes they’re special,
A rock star,
A movie star,
A champion prize fighter,
An activist,
A body-builder,
An artist,
A tough guy,
A right sayer,
A genius,
A super hero,
A bringer of peace,
RELAX people, we are none of those things,
We are a floored species, selfish and manipulative,
The pleasure seeking scourge of the planet,
An thankfully, we’re all very temporary.
Dan Verkys 