My need to overcome reality is so strong lately,
I attempt to address profound childhood fears,
What happens when both creators are gone,
What do I become, how do I decide my path forward,
Nothing seems obvious, everything feels clouded,
What decisions do I need to make, what is important,
I feel lost, amiss, like I’m waiting for an unnamed event,
How can I take stock of things when it comes, my hurt, my pain,
And still administer the wishes of another,
There is no comfort here, only loss.
Head in the Clouds
You can’t exist with your head in the clouds,
For one reason, clouds fade,
They are invisible on a clear day,
Although prominent during a storm,
They quickly make way for blue skies,
You see, clouds are not consistent,
They lack any solid substance,
Constantly unstable and unreliable,
They are an illusion of escape and freedom,
Within themselves, they are empty.
Z is always in last place
It’s complicated to share where I’m at,
Because I don’t really feel like myself,
I feel bisected, slighted, and typically ignored,
I’m fed up, tired of everything going wrong,
I am not invisible, I matter,
Perhaps I’m unwell, does that register?
I am unhappy, old, fat and depressed,
In another fixed race where I’m in last place.
What does it take to get by easily?
I don’t need a win, I just need a place,
Where life doesn’t constantly,
Kick sand in my face.
Venomous Intrusive and Irrational
The night is warm and silent, breezeless trees stand still as corpses,
Intrusive venomous thoughts begin to enter through old wounds,
Convulsions of memory shake themselves into a distorted reality,
The familiar unwanted feeling begins to ripple itself up the spine,
Discomforts’ creeping fingers create a buzz at the back of the neck,
The skin begins to crawl, numb at first, before the unreachable itch,
It feels like a thousand tiny spiders suddenly marching across the skin,
The edges of vision begin to dull and darken into shadowy haze,
Uneasy hands begin to reach for the nearest item of solid comfort,
But it’s too late, we have arrived, the rational mind has left the building,
Now, there is only panic.
Are we ghosts?
Ghosts whisper on the evening wind,
They are the blurred faces of distant times,
Their energy spent, locked in hollow places,
Existing, not knowing that their time has passed,
Sometimes doors are locked that shouldn’t be,
There are times when we move unnoticed,
Moments when we’re not acknowledged,
Have we passed from the memory of others?
How can we be sure that we’re not a ghost?
Lost at Sea
My heart feels lost at sea,
Adrift, I am directionless,
Home feels like a distant memory,
I long for solid ground underfoot,
I’m on an ocean vast and featureless,
I hear the sound of distant ships,
Focus seems impossible,
My head swims with thought,
Waterlogged and weary, IÂ drift on,
I fight fatigue as night falls again,
I see no lights on the horizon,
No welcoming lanterns on the beach,
How long must I fight this current?
The night is cold and dark,
Not a spec of light shows,
Until the dawn of a new day,
Tears and ocean water are as one,
I drift on, keeping my head above water,
Until the day my heart makes landfall.
Empty Kingdom
Do you hear that calling, in the midnight hour,
Can you hear the lonesome crying, of bitter tears so sour,
Far away from this place, kept by the unseen,
The restless King of hearts, awaits his absent Queen,
Her throne is cold without her, and his heart the same,
Nobody understands, their constant toil and pain,
They mask themselves to outside eyes, to hide their suffering,
These are the days of the healing Queen, and her broken King.
No light without you
I have no light,
It does not shine within me,
This globe has no power,
This diode will not emit,
I have no light,
Until you flick the switch.
The Rude
I sit upon my own doom-laden eve,
Nothing seems solid, nothing is usual,
Everyone seems disinterested, or ignorant,
Zero communication breeds hostility,
An anger builds due to anxiety,
It takes nothing to acknowledge, lift your game,
A lesson is learned, those who should matter don’t,
Expect a comparative reply, lesson result = fuck you!
All the tech in the world cannot fix the fucking rude.
Keep of Hollowness, The
There is a hollowness deep inside,
A place I crawl into when I need to hide,
Where nothing can emotionally affect me,
It’s a safe numb place that no one can see,
Something activates behind my eyes,
And another me removes his flimsy disguise,
While I’m curled up within in my hollow place,
The other me now owns my face,
He’s uninterested in what you have to say,
He feels nothing for what you wish to convey,
He is my protector, he’s my defensive shield,
Guarding the inner me while I’m being healed,
Until a change within fills this hollow space,
There’ll be no emotion, there’ll be no embrace,
He’s insincere, his actions are purely robotic,
He’s a wall, dividing me from a world so chaotic,
Someday the colour will return to my eyes,
The other me will fade, once the chaos subsides,
Leaving me present again, with no need to hide,
Within the Keep of Hollowness, that I’ve built inside.
Dan Verkys 