Tag: mental-health

Posted on

The Stand

I stand at the edge of a great precipice,

Eyes closed, I can feel a hot breeze on my face,

There is no sound, other than my own breathing,

The drop into darkness feels sheer and jagged,

The plummet, long and painful, and finally fatal,

I can feel the rock edge crumble under my weight,

I am waiting for the final slip,

The hands at my sides are sweaty and white knuckled,

Tense, I’m shaking within, the terror of waiting is intolerable,

The fall has yet to come, it could happen at any moment,

Vomit inducing anticipation, my body is racked with anxiety,

I can leave freely at any time and yet…

I stand here still.

Posted on

Sometimes I lose myself

Sometimes, I can lose myself for days,

Time passes quickly, like a rapid heartbeat,

When I find myself again, something is always different,

Following some initial confusion, where I don’t know where I’ve been,

I’m unsure just how long I have been the other me,

Which me was I? Was I kind or cruel, happy, sad, or withdrawn,

Sometimes I can lose myself for days,

And now, I no longer know which me is real.

Posted on

Head in the Clouds

You can’t exist with your head in the clouds,

For one reason, clouds fade,

They are invisible on a clear day,

Although prominent during a storm,

They quickly make way for blue skies,

You see, clouds are not consistent,

They lack any solid substance,

Constantly unstable and unreliable,

They are an illusion of escape and freedom,

Within themselves, they are empty.

Posted on

Venomous Intrusive and Irrational

The night is warm and silent, breezeless trees stand still as corpses,
Intrusive venomous thoughts begin to enter through old wounds,
Convulsions of memory shake themselves into a distorted reality,
The familiar unwanted feeling begins to ripple itself up the spine,
Discomforts’ creeping fingers create a buzz at the back of the neck,
The skin begins to crawl, numb at first, before the unreachable itch,
It feels like a thousand tiny spiders suddenly marching across the skin,
The edges of vision begin to dull and darken into shadowy haze,
Uneasy hands begin to reach for the nearest item of solid comfort,
But it’s too late, we have arrived, the rational mind has left the building,
Now, there is only panic.

Posted on

Keep of Hollowness, The

There is a hollowness deep inside,
A place I crawl into when I need to hide,
Where nothing can emotionally affect me,
It’s a safe numb place that no one can see,
Something activates behind my eyes,
And another me removes his flimsy disguise,
While I’m curled up within in my hollow place,
The other me now owns my face,
He’s uninterested in what you have to say,
He feels nothing for what you wish to convey,
He is my protector, he’s my defensive shield,
Guarding the inner me while I’m being healed,
Until a change within fills this hollow space,
There’ll be no emotion, there’ll be no embrace,
He’s insincere, his actions are purely robotic,
He’s a wall, dividing me from a world so chaotic,
Someday the colour will return to my eyes,
The other me will fade, once the chaos subsides,
Leaving me present again, with no need to hide,
Within the Keep of Hollowness, that I’ve built inside.

Posted on

Who will be there to pick me up

Who’ll be there to pick me up when I fall,

This is a question that the anxious call,

When it all feels too much to bear,

When happiness only brings despair,

When the mind races and the heart beats panicked pain,

And the body is held a hostage by its very own brain,

There’s nobody to pick me up when I fall,

So, from under the weight of things, it will be me who’ll crawl,

But not until heartache runs its painful course,

And anxiety has drunk her fill, without remorse.

Posted on

The Sound of White Noise

I work diligently to keep my mind clear and calm,

I create things with various art forms, I have many different hobbies,

However, these are rarely successful long-term distractions,

Frame of mind is everything, and I can feel my mind drifting,

Drifting from where I would like it to be,

Sometimes, inside of my head feels like I’m locked in a loud crowded room,

Inside I’m trying my best to focus, to communicate, or to escape,

Some days it feels impossible to create anything, because of the noise,

Other days it is easier, the volume is down, and my mind is inexplicably pliable,

They say, after every storm comes peace,  

Therefore, after so much sound, there should be silence,

After most creative endeavours, comes such emptiness,

I pour myself into whatever I create, and I’m unsparing in the amount,

Time to hit the mute button for a while and let the white noise fade out.

Posted on

Tonight is a clenched fist

I could literally rip the skin and flesh from my face right now,
I am not in my own mind, I am not even in my own postcode,
My self-hate is so powerful, so invincible,
The effort to hold it back is beyond comprehension,
I hate myself with so much vigor and venom tonight,
No rhyme, no reason, just self-disgust and anger,
I make no sense, I am bad company, I am not to be around,
I scratch as the fan passes, I clench until its return,
I want to be the kind me, but I am unable to connect,
I am rocking, thinking, hating, trying to exist.
Tonight I AM the monster of rumour.

Posted on

A Life in Thorns

A time comes when you know that you are barbed,
Self-protective and in need of personal shelter,
Right now, is one of those times,
I have virtual thorns on my skin and in my brain,
Time to stay away from my dear ones,
Time to stay away from NOT dear ones,
Time to be charged, and remain alone,
Recognizing and communicating mood with my closest,
That my nuclear level is at maximum,
It’s vital to all around,
Find the right music now,
Find the right mix to sooth now,
Find a way to dull the thorns now,
Find a way to ‘control’ now,
The poison has removed the pain of a life in thorns,
Until now, and until tomorrow.