Tag: emotional

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The Topsy-Turvy Man

It takes constant work to be balanced, I need special handling,
My mental health’s topsy-turvy, one minute happy and then I’m angry,
My brain’s been through some battles, so I take care of it more,
For fear of becoming a dribbling mess, curled up on the floor.

Sometimes I need to iron out weird patterns in its thinking,
To find a safe place, that doesn’t explode if I’m drinking,
Because when those floodgates open, I become a monster,
Even uglier than an influencer, who can’t find a sponsor.

I try to have fun, but monitor for any quirky abstractions,
I keep many hobbies, I collect things, to act as distractions,
Things from my childhood, old books, vinyl records and such,
But lately I’ve been distracting myself a little too much.

It’s difficult to bring myself to leave the house some days,
Life and then lockdowns broke me, and took my outside away,
I never liked going out in big crowds, I’m a solitary guy,
But now that anxiety rules, it’s even harder to try.

My wife hangs with her friends, and overnight sometimes stays,
I don’t mention the panic attacks I get, when she’s away,
They’re tough to get through, and they hit me hardest at night,
When alone in our bed with my thoughts, things just don’t feel right.

I’ll keep up with distractions, like painting, music or writing,
Working hard not to lose myself, to this brain that I’m fighting,
Workplaces are exhausting, I work from home trying not to get stressed,
But that’s even hard to do, when you’re anxious and feeling depressed.

I’ll keep at it though, knowing there isn’t a quick fix,
To find a place in the world where my peculiar brain fits,
Living in a small country town is the best place to be,
Because the world of my past life, almost killed me.

I’m sick from worry for my kids, my wife, or my friends,
Some have their own issues and on me they depend,
But my personal cup of woe is so very full to the brim,
That most days it’s a struggle to want to sink or to swim.

This poem could go on just like I do, but you get the picture,
Life is hard for us all, and you don’t need my thoughts in the mixture,
So, I’ll wrangle this brain and go on with my life,
Doing the best that I can, to work through my troubles and strife.

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What am I looking for?

Sunlight flickers through the gum trees lining the road,
Low clouds creep down the dark mountain outside my window,
What am I looking for?
Grey chimney smoke whisps through the ferny undergrowth,
As black cattle graze on the lush pastures outside my window,
What am I looking for?
Scattered thoughts race through my mind, nothing feels solid,
I can’t connect, I can’t engage, I feel like a man out of time,
What I am looking for is nowhere.

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The Fall

From midnight hour I hear the call,
Of distant people kept in thrall,
In blood-stained desert lands they lie,
In a place where birds no longer fly,
With beliefs stuck in another time,
Committing genocide, not war but crime.
Religion is where true evil thrives,
Its bombs destroy families and displace lives.
Over the same dirt that exists everywhere,
But imaginary faith lines create despair,
A time will come soon when humanity will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

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Plea to a Dark Tree Hollow

Dark tree hollow please bring to me,
Someone who’ll love me unconditionally,
Make them kind and true, please end my sorrow,
Bring me love dark portal, from within your hollow.

I have so much to offer and so much to give,
To a sweet one who’ll share in the life that I live,
From your black laden doorway, do make them appear,
And I will share with them my heart, total and sincere.

Put an end to my lonesome tumultuous life,
And help me put down this self-harming knife,
That I’ve used too long to keep myself sane,
I’ve cut wrists and thighs and cried through the pain.

I feel so alone that I can’t cope anymore,
Send me someone to love, that’s all I wish for,
I know there’s some magic within you great tree,
So please, bring me someone who needs love just like me.

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That Feeling

Sometimes I sit eyes closed and breathe, while I feel my hands shaking,

Some mornings I wake from nightmares, tear-soaked and heartbroken.

Other times, my mind wanders so far, that I worry it can’t find its way home.

Sometimes there’s confusion, chaos, and an overwhelming sensation of sound,

Other times it is deathly quiet, and I trudge through a bog of numbness, am I even alive?

Like an autumnal tree branch I yield, everyday shedding things once held dear, leaf after leaf,

I feel it all, in the sunshine and the cold dark early hours, I can be overcome with grief.

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The Cry Left Unheard

I feel myself unfolding,
As if the life of which I’m holding,
Slowly slips away.

The demons that I’m fighting,
Pull their ropes forever tightening,
I’m drowning every day.

Into the depths of which I’m sinking,
Total darkness keeps me thinking,
That I’m better off this way.

I can’t pull myself back out,
From this hole from which I shout,
Those demons I cannot slay.

But nobody hears me calling,
From the depths hell to which I’m falling,
Deaf ears are my life’s dismay.

I don’t want to struggle anymore,
Under weight of others who left before,
I can’t go on this way.

So I say goodbye to you,
My descendants through and through,
I love you, is all is that I can say.

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Falls of Deceit

The gaping mouth of the waterfalls is forged by the river of lies, which flows with the tears of the suffering, the falls flow constantly, even below the surface.

Liars float above the current, greedily feeding on their victims, before bathing fat and bloated on the shore.

The deceived are drowned beneath white capped waves, held heavy with the chains of loyalty that shackle them.

Their broken bodies are weighed down by great stones of deceit, before being swept over the falls, discarded onto the rocks below.

Falling out of their dreams, and into the horrible reality of facing a new day’s sun.

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Just Another Tuesday

With one last exhale, he steps from his doorstep and into the inky black darkness outside,

His body begins to rise gently in the warm black scentless air, slowly drifting up into space.

He always felt that his front door led to the end of the world, and he was correct.

Crossing his feet together, then arms across his chest, he closes his eyes and lets the drift take him,

Within moments he’s in the atmosphere, still, no longer rising, there above the earth he hovers,

Invisible currents gently tug at him as his body floats in orbit above a bright glowing world below,

There is a serene internal warmth, a comfort, no more pain, stress, or sadness, a feeling of relief.

The glowing warmth of the sun reflecting from the earth below him doesn’t last however,

He feels himself violently tugged into the darkness behind the earth, cold and anxiety fill his system.

Now in complete darkness, he begins to fall back into the dark world below him.

There’s no heat as he re-enters the atmosphere, but he begins to freeze, blinded by ice and darkness,

Rocketing downward like a human missile aimed at his own rooftop, at impact he opens his eyes. He finds himself standing inside his home, hand on the front doorknob as he prepares to leave

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The Clockwork Boy

There was a clockwork boy, with a clockwork heart,
He tried to be like the other kids,
But he felt different from the start.
They would run and play together and seemed to be as one,
But the clockwork boy could not join in,
For he felt sad and that was not much fun.
He’d wear a different mask each day to trick his clockwork brain,
But his clockwork heart was broken,
And he soon felt sad again.
He met a girl with a golden key, that she used to wind his heart,
And the boy never wore a mask again,
For she was clockwork just like him, and they would never part.

I thought I'd try my hand at a poem for younger people, I grew up with the poems of the late Doug Macleod, whom I got to know in later life.  This was inspired by his book  In the Garden of Bad Things, the very first poetry book I ever owned as a small boy. I like the rythm and the fun of this type of simple poetry, and while I'm doing my best to develop my writing on this site,  I think I'd like to explore this area further.
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One Step Away

My mind feels too much pressure, the outside world has gone insane,
There’s information overload being crammed into my brain.
No matter how I try I cannot turn off the constant digital grind,
Of useless information that will never nourish my mind.

I’d like to disconnect permanently from information age damnation,
To just enjoy some days of peace, without constant irritation.
I’m unlike those out there, without a clue or a personal identity
I have always known who I am, and what is best for me.

I’m a quiet man, in a quiet place, with the person that I love,
Yet outside opinions won’t be silent, down my throat they want to shove.
All their points of view, and constant need for instant gratification,
Just keep it to yourself, I don’t care about your social misinformation.

I’m stepping away from screens where I can, and the bitterness they spread,
I’ll spend time with art, books, and music, interposing a little peace inside my head.
Technology is a creative tool for good, not a projectile to spread social dissension,
From now you’ll find me one step away, in my quiet place, while your mind is in detention.