The Topsy-Turvy Man

It takes constant work to stay balanced,
I need special handling,
My mental health’s topsy-turvy,
One minute happy, then I am angry.

My brain’s been through some battles,
So I take care of it more,
For fear of becoming a dribbling mess,
Curled up upon the floor.

Sometimes I need to iron out
The weird patterns in its thinking,
And find somewhere safe to stand
If floodgates open because I’ve been drinking.

Because when those floodgates open,
I can become a monster,
Even uglier than an influencer
Who can’t find a sponsor.

Often late at night,
I can feel panic setting in,
I keep it to myself,
But my resolve’s wearing thin.

I try to have some fun,
But monitor for abstractions,
I keep many hobbies, collect things,
To act as distractions.

Things from my childhood,
Old books, vinyl records and such,
Little pieces of myself
I can hold when things get rough.
But lately I’ve been distracting myself
A little too much.

It’s difficult to bring myself
To leave the house some days,
Life, and then the lockdowns,
Broke me and took my outside away.

I never liked the crowds,
I’m a solitary guy,
But now that anxiety rules,
It’s even harder to try.

I’ll keep up the distractions,
Painting, music and writing,
Working hard not to lose myself
To this brain that I’m fighting.

Workplaces are exhausting,
So I work from home instead,
Though that’s not always easy
When anxiety fills my head.

I’ll keep at it though,
Knowing there’s no quick fix,
Trying to find a place in the world
Where this peculiar brain fits.

Living in a small country town
Helps my mind feel free,
Because the life I knew before
Nearly finished me.

I can get sick with worry
For my kids, my wife, my friends,
When they get their own troubles,
I feel a compelling need to defend.

My personal cup of woe
Is already full to the brim,
And some days it’s a struggle
Deciding whether to sink or swim.

So I’ll wrangle this brain
And get on with my life,
Doing the best that I can
Through my trouble and strife.