Tag: life

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Before and After

We all have multiple lives,
Each wrapped within
Our own timeline.

I was raised in a home
That felt loud
Most of the time.

It was loud for many reasons,

Arguments,
Discussions,
Anger,
Love,
Laughter.

One day, death came along
And silenced that first life.

It visited once more
And silenced my second.

The main difference
With my current life is,

I’m writing the story.

Sadly, that story is set
Within a loud, unsleeping world,

A broken world filled with,
Arguments,
Uninformed discussions,
Where anger is a round orange emoji,
Love, a small red heart,
And laughter
Wears a derisive yellow smirk.

While writing my new life,
In a way, I have become death.

I am the one
Who has brought the silence.
I chose it by design.
To mute the world outside.

So I no longer have to argue.
I don’t have to discuss
Anything I don’t wish to.
Where I have plenty of love,
And laughter when needed.

In the silence I’ve created
I find comfort,

But little hope,

For that loud world
Outside my door.

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Farewell to Ferocity

I do not feel as though,
I am made for this time.

Some parts
Still fit.
Others
Refuse
To recognise me.

I get lost in detail now,
I find myself frustrated
Easily,
When simple things
That what worked yesterday
Inexplicably,
No longer do today.

I understand.
It happens.
It is part of ageing.

That knowledge
Offers
Very little comfort.

It hurts
To bid farewell
To a mind
That once
Felt fierce.

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Sometimes

When the moment
Feels right,

Allow life
To unfurl before you.

Life can be good,

If you give it
The chance to be.

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Tongue

Tongue,
You insufferable appendage,
Why are you so disagreeable?

You always seem
To get in the way.

Every meal,
You insist on participating.

I was enjoying my lunch…
Until I bit you.

Again.

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Masks and Change

Boundaries must be engaged and maintained,
A healthy human distance must be respected,
For, when lines are crossed, all can become blurred,
Where once a hive of focus and creativity existed,
A race began, where disrespect and greed took precedence,
What was once pure, became tainted and distorted,
Irrevocably transformed into something else,
We all wear masks to protect ourselves, to survive,
At work, in love, at play, and even when we are alone,
But it is vital that our original face is seen, for forgiveness,
The real us must be exposed, with all it’s scars and fragility,
When we take off that final mask each night.

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The Topsy-Turvy Man

It takes constant work to stay balanced,
I need special handling,
My mental health’s topsy-turvy,
One minute happy, then I am angry.

My brain’s been through some battles,
So I take care of it more,
For fear of becoming a dribbling mess,
Curled up upon the floor.

Sometimes I need to iron out
The weird patterns in its thinking,
And find somewhere safe to stand
If floodgates open because I’ve been drinking.

Because when those floodgates open,
I can become a monster,
Even uglier than an influencer
Who can’t find a sponsor.

Often late at night,
I can feel panic setting in,
I keep it to myself,
But my resolve’s wearing thin.

I try to have some fun,
But monitor for abstractions,
I keep many hobbies, collect things,
To act as distractions.

Things from my childhood,
Old books, vinyl records and such,
Little pieces of myself
I can hold when things get rough.
But lately I’ve been distracting myself
A little too much.

It’s difficult to bring myself
To leave the house some days,
Life, and then the lockdowns,
Broke me and took my outside away.

I never liked the crowds,
I’m a solitary guy,
But now that anxiety rules,
It’s even harder to try.

I’ll keep up the distractions,
Painting, music and writing,
Working hard not to lose myself
To this brain that I’m fighting.

Workplaces are exhausting,
So I work from home instead,
Though that’s not always easy
When anxiety fills my head.

I’ll keep at it though,
Knowing there’s no quick fix,
Trying to find a place in the world
Where this peculiar brain fits.

Living in a small country town
Helps my mind feel free,
Because the life I knew before
Nearly finished me.

I can get sick with worry
For my kids, my wife, my friends,
When they get their own troubles,
I feel a compelling need to defend.

My personal cup of woe
Is already full to the brim,
And some days it’s a struggle
Deciding whether to sink or swim.

So I’ll wrangle this brain
And get on with my life,
Doing the best that I can
Through my trouble and strife.

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