Creator / imaginer: Dabbler in art, literature and sound.
As I lay sleeping,
My mind winds back.
To people and faces forgotten,
Creating impossible moments,
With joyous,
Or confusing,
Outcomes.
Why am I shown
These images of deceit?
What purpose do they have,
Other to leave me,
Awake,
Wondering,
And melancholy.
I no longer remember how I once felt,
When my skin was smoother,
My mind was unweighted by worry,
When misery had yet to touch,
Her sorrowful hand
To my cheek.
I no longer remember,
The warm embrace
of the morning sun
On my face.
As I once did,
When the music played,
And my family
Laughed together
As one.
Sadness is weather of the heart,
At times a spring breeze,
Barely felt as it drifts through blooming fields;
At times the deep snows of winter,
Falling without end,
Silencing the world beneath their weight;
At times a summer tempest,
Splitting the heavens
With wind and thunder.
And sometimes,
It is only an autumn mist,
Gathering in quiet places,
Blurring what was once clear.
Sadness wears many skies.
So watch the horizon within yourself,
Pay attention to inner forecasts,
And prepare for each season as it comes;
For no storm remains forever,
And beyond every clouded day,
Some light still waits.
It happened so long ago,
It feels like forever,
Another me, another time,
I stood by watching my life,
Like a black and white TV show,
I was trapped within its glow,
As I lay here thinking tonight,
I’m lost in an ocean of shadow,
Memories of another life,
Visions of another me,
Broken heart full of sorrow,
I hope for a brighter tomorrow.
I never really belonged there,
Like an invader in an unknown land,
No happiness, no light,
No strength for the constant fight,
Wounded with every retreat,
Trapped within life’s deceit,
The countless scars I carry,
Weigh me down upon the floor,
Filling all my darkest halls,
Faded places on empty walls,
Frames torn from where they hung,
Like happy old songs no longer sung,
Inside it’s empty just the same,
Consumed by some inner shame,
The crushing weight of memories chains,
Keep me down among the flames,
Back in present day I find myself,
And although I’m not alone,
I’m still holding on to that sorrow,
Waiting… hoping,
For a brighter tomorrow.
She’s almost invisible now, as if spun from finest gossamer,
Haunting, somehow trapped within these walls,
Like an apparition lost in her own cold distance,
I see a sadness in her eyes that I cannot repair,
And feel a burgeoning sense of dread, fed by her despair.
Sometimes I sit eyes closed and breathe, while I feel my hands shaking,
Some mornings I wake from nightmares, tear-soaked and heartbroken.
Other times, my mind wanders so far, that I worry it can’t find its way home.
Sometimes there’s confusion, chaos, and an overwhelming sensation of sound,
Other times it is deathly quiet, and I trudge through a bog of numbness, am I even alive?
Like an autumnal tree branch I yield, everyday shedding things once held dear, leaf after leaf,
I feel it all, in the sunshine and the cold dark early hours, I can be overcome with grief.
I feel myself unfolding,
As the life that I am holding
Slowly slips away.
The demons that I’m fighting
Pull their ropes, forever tightening,
And I drown a little more each day.
Into the depths I’m sinking,
Endless darkness leaves me thinking
That I’m better off this way.
I cannot pull myself back out
From this pit from which I shout,
At demons I can never slay.
But nobody hears me calling
To the depths of hell I’m falling,
Deaf ears are my life’s dismay.
I do not wish to struggle anymore,
Beneath the weight of those who left before,
I cannot go on this way.
So I say goodbye to you,
My descendants, tried and true,
“I love you” is all that I can say.