The Topsy-Turvy Man

It takes constant work to be balanced, I need special handling,
My mental health’s topsy-turvy, one minute happy and then I’m angry,
My brain’s been through some battles, so I take care of it more,
For fear of becoming a dribbling mess, curled up on the floor.

Sometimes I need to iron out weird patterns in its thinking,
To find a safe place, that doesn’t explode if I’m drinking,
Because when those floodgates open, I become a monster,
Even uglier than an influencer, who can’t find a sponsor.

I try to have fun, but monitor for any quirky abstractions,
I keep many hobbies, I collect things, to act as distractions,
Things from my childhood, old books, vinyl records and such,
But lately I’ve been distracting myself a little too much.

It’s difficult to bring myself to leave the house some days,
Life and then lockdowns broke me, and took my outside away,
I never liked going out in big crowds, I’m a solitary guy,
But now that anxiety rules, it’s even harder to try.

My wife hangs with her friends, and overnight sometimes stays,
I don’t mention the panic attacks I get, when she’s away,
They’re tough to get through, and they hit me hardest at night,
When alone in our bed with my thoughts, things just don’t feel right.

I’ll keep up with distractions, like painting, music or writing,
Working hard not to lose myself, to this brain that I’m fighting,
Workplaces are exhausting, I work from home trying not to get stressed,
But that’s even hard to do, when you’re anxious and feeling depressed.

I’ll keep at it though, knowing there isn’t a quick fix,
To find a place in the world where my peculiar brain fits,
Living in a small country town is the best place to be,
Because the world of my past life, almost killed me.

I’m sick from worry for my kids, my wife, or my friends,
Some have their own issues and on me they depend,
But my personal cup of woe is so very full to the brim,
That most days it’s a struggle to want to sink or to swim.

This poem could go on just like I do, but you get the picture,
Life is hard for us all, and you don’t need my thoughts in the mixture,
So, I’ll wrangle this brain and go on with my life,
Doing the best that I can, to work through my troubles and strife.