Tag: doom

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On Falling Away

I feel cold.
Exhausted.
Frayed.

It feels like my mind is waiting
For something.
Momentous.
Unknown.
Life-changing.

As though
Some enormous event
Is approaching
And I am the only one
Who can feel it coming.

Death has been on my mind.
Perhaps not my own,

However,
He has been
Hanging around.
In dreams.
Flirting.
Making sweet conversation.

Whispering things
I cannot quite hear.

Hinting at secrets
He refuses to reveal.

I feel on the verge of tears
Or something,
Most days lately.

I mask it.
I try to cover it up.
But the feeling remains,
Like a splinter
Just under the surface.

Why do I feel
Like a time bomb
Silently ticking,
Waiting to detonate.

Life feels like it is
Too much right now.
I’m at the end of my tether.
Each day feels more complicated
than the one before.

However,
When I align all the facts
When write them down,
It shouldn’t feel
As enormous
As it does.

But right now,
It feels like I’m standing still
As the ground
Beneath my feet crumbles,
Falling away from me
Into complete nothingness.

My concern is,
I feel if I just let go,
If I gave in,
And I too crumble away,
Falling to dust and dark,

I would be
Ok with that.

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Nova Centauri: Beyond the Doors of Space

The doors closed behind him.

Not with a slam,
But with a sound so deep
It seemed to pass through the stone
And into his bones.

John Vilkas turned.

The great doors
Had disappeared into darkness,
Their enormous surfaces
Meeting with ancient precision.

And then,
Nothing.
No stars.
No distant asteroid field.

No pale reflection
Of his own visor.
Only darkness.
Complete and absolute.

The kind of darkness
That seemed older
Than space itself.

John waited.

His breathing
Echoed inside his helmet.

Slow.
Measured.
Human.

He raised his hand
And watched the faint instruments
Upon his glove.

The tether line
Stretched behind him,
Trapped within the closing doors.

He pulled.
Nothing.
Again.
Still nothing.

He released it.
There was no going back.

His eyes slowly adjusted.
Or perhaps
The darkness was simply
Allowing him to see.

Ahead of him lay
A narrow cavern.
A path,
A wound,
Descending into the asteroid.

Read the full story here

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Nova Centauri

I have embarked upon a new world building experiment called Nova Centauri. The storyline will follow the journey of lone cosmonaut John Vilkas.

Sickened by a world consumed by war, hatred and division, the cosmonaut boards a Personal Interplanetary Transport and leaves Earth behind, carrying with him little more than the hope of finding peace among the stars.

His destination is a safe location in space to view the remnants of Nova Centauri 2013, a distant stellar cluster that promises something the world below could never give him: silence.

Placed into stasis, Vilkas begins the long journey through the darkness of space. His sleep carries him through vivid dreams and terrible nightmares, while his solitary craft hurtles onward toward the distant stars. But when John awakens, his journey begins to take unexpected turns.

I am using this storyline to push myself further in a dark sci-fi direction, one of my favourite genres. Along the way I hope to include more cosmic horror, some typical doom and gloom and perhaps weave some Lovecraftian influenced elements which I’m excited to explore. ‘Part One Exit Earth’ will appear shortly.

I hope you enjoy the read.

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Visit ‘Worldbuilding: Nova Centauri’

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Dead Eyed and Dreaming

Dead eyes of black glass
Awaken to a world
Caught within a storm
And cloaked by night.

White, cracking skin
Is covered with
Weeping wounds
That will never heal.

Its silent, screaming mouth
Gapes open,
Filled with flies
And black saliva.

Stinking.

Rotting.

The cursed form
Lurches into servitude.

Its back is scarred
With a thousand lash marks.

Loose, hanging skin
Moves in an unnatural way,
As though something squirms
Beneath the surface.

Dark ebony wings unfurl.

Black feathers fall
Like autumn leaves,
Dried and brittle,
Crumbling into ash
As they touch the ground.

Barefoot,
Clothed in dirty muslin
And rotting flaxen rope,

Filthy hands
Grope blindly
At the air before it.

Bent and broken,

Formed from sin
And torment,

It steps weakly
Into the candlelight.

Dead-eyed,

And dreaming.

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Thoughts better left unheard

Certain thoughts
Invoke a sense
Of sickness in my stomach.

Nausea embraces discomfort,
As words from memory echo
Their mantra of self-loathing.

They churn in my gut
Like a coiled serpent
Moving its body,
Pressing my organs
Into negative service.

These thoughts
Sit and percolate,
Slowly fermenting
A thick noxious
Syrupy gloom.

The essence fills me completely.

I feel submerged,
With my eyes closed,
And holding my breath,

I feel my ears and nostrils fill
And I eventually succumb.

I can no longer breathe,
I’m drowning,

Alone in the dark
As the black void
Swallows all colour.

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But when?

The morning feels
Impenetrable.

The night unsettled,
The day uncertain.

When will
The seasons change?

When will
These winter snows
Finally thaw?

When will
The flowers of spring
At last bloom,

Heralding an end
To this time
Of cold desolation?

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Spiralling

Can you feel it?
The spiralling.

Do you see it
Happening within me?

Does it consume you
As it consumes me?

That unstable sensation,
Lingering
Without explanation.

Spiralling downward,
Without apology.

Thoughts are wretched things,
They sour
The very air
I breathe.

Spiralling.

Like a dead man
Still writhing
Upon the gallows.

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Death Sleep

The night is a timebomb,
Its silent countdown
Tightening
Around my neck.

Waking will bring such sorrow,
There is no crueller fate
Than tomorrow.

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The Valley of Ashes is Available Now

I’m delighted to announce that my second book, ‘The Valley of Ashes’, is now available through Lulu Publishing. I’m incredibly pleased with how it turned out.

But what is it about?

The Valley of Ashes is a journey through a strange, desolate realm suspended between life and death, where a nameless traveller follows the ancient Thunder Road across endless plains of ash, forgotten ruins and impossible landscapes. Along the way, they encounter mysterious beings and guardians who confront them with memory, mortality, grief, fear, legacy and the consequences of a life once lived. Blending long-form narrative poetry with dark, dreamlike imagery, the book transforms its bleak purgatorial landscape into an exploration of the inner journeys we all endure, the things we carry, the things we must surrender, and the difficult truth that some experiences cannot be escaped, only travelled through. Ultimately, The Valley of Ashes is a melancholic meditation on loss, acceptance, resilience and the search for meaning while wandering the uncertain space between endings and new beginnings.

Get your copy here

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Descent

What is this great weight
I feel upon me?

A dull,
Energy sapping,
Numbness
That envelopes me.

I am caught
In a well of despair,
Chemicals are
the only escape.

These small round
solidified powders,
That regulate,
And terminate
Life and creativity,
Respectively.

Life should all be easier now,
But it is not,
All that remains for the mind is,
Descent.
Descent.
Always descent.


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